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Some day I will die, but today I live

Hi all, When I was little kid I was so happy & free. Of course I would have bad days and the people around me were not always happy. I was abused sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally by family members. Like many people I experienced depression, being ostracized, eating disorders, and low self-esteem. I cared so much about everything and everyone's opinion of me that I became a robot. A very angry, very fearful robot who tried to conform to be accepted and loved. Unfortunately, about a year ago a person who really loved me for me and wanted the best for me exited my life. I actually pushed them out way before they left. I became fearful and started thinking, "what if he finds another girl?" or "I'm not pretty or happy enough for him" etc. etc. All that worry and negative thinking became a self-fulfilling prophesy. Then I decided my life was so screwed up and "over" it was time to end it. So I tried to end it
Recent posts

Do not Give up Hope...

Dear Jaded Straight Men, I know many women have failed you. I know your heart has endured a lot of stomping, your pride has been shattered, your trust has been compromised and your spirit has been abused. But, you’re not alone — in fact, many women have been in your shoes. It’s so easy to get frustrated, to call all women whores then chug a beer and stumble out the door for a night of debauchery. That’ll show them, right? Nope, that’s not going to prove anything except that you’re too drunk and too obnoxious to be in public. You must understand that women do not exist solely for sex. By only worrying about why she won’t sleep with you, you’re missing the point entirely — just because a woman got dressed and went out to a bar does not mean that she is out for sex. It’s shameful for you to believe that women go out with the intention of going home with you. Stop immediately and adjust your mentality. Men, I know you don’t all think and act this way, but when you partake in conv

Grieving Process

"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to li

Ponder over this!

Life is short. Actually, life is pretty long if you count the entirety of it. But there are more things you can do in your 20s than in your 80s. So life when you can accomplish the most has an incredibly narrow window. So I count every day until my next birthday, to remind myself that I have less than 365 days at the age I am right now. And one I reach that next birthday, I will never be that age again. Living each day in anticipation of your age increasing has allowed me to get away with stuff others put off because they think they have time. The number of approaches I do is phenomenal. I go on a run, I get a phone number. I have breakfast, get a phone number. Walking down the street, get a phone number. When you embrace how limited the time is at your age, you will go above and beyond to make every day count. You also don't take things as personally. A woman doesn't like you, doesn't matter, because you do not have enough time to care what one single woman thinks of

Interesting Read

you’re in your 20’s.  you realize you don’t care about shit as much as you used to.  it makes you feel uneasy for a while because you still kind of care about people caring about you not caring.  but once you stop caring about not caring, it gets better. Taken from:  http://shimshang.tumblr.com/post/63807546780/youre-in-your-20s-you-realize-you-dont-care

CGI Environment Variables

So here goes the list of all the Environment variables that are inbuilt and can be used with ur CGI script: Variable Name Value DOCUMENT_ROOT The root directory of your server HTTP_COOKIE The visitor's cookie, if one is set HTTP_HOST The hostname of your server HTTP_REFERER The URL of the page that called your script HTTP_USER_AGENT The browser type of the visitor HTTPS "on" if the script is being called through a secure server PATH The system path your server is running under QUERY_STRING The query string (see GET, below) REMOTE_ADDR The IP address of the visitor REMOTE_HOST The hostname of the visitor (if your server has reverse-name-lookups on; otherwise this is the IP address again) REMOTE_PORT The port the visitor is connected to on the web server REMOTE_USER The visitor's username (for .htaccess-protected pages) REQUEST_METHOD GET or POST REQUEST_URI The interpreted pathname of the requested document or CGI (relative to the document root) SC

Kid's Belief

The kid has made numerous attempts to climb on that bench but so far the success was none. He was young or can say ‘too young’. I guessed him to be 5yrs or less in age but his adherence to  the task have won attention of almost every adult present in that Park. He has been trying to climb that bench for an hour now. All external help, in between, was denied efficaciously by him. Helping hands with beautiful faces were pushed away and ugly ones were vilified with scared runs.  To satisfy my urge of seeing the cute warrior’s face, I walked closer to him.  He was a sweet little kid in shorts and blue check shirt. His tiny and chubby appearance resembled the cutest soft toy one can ever imagine. But his actions were far away from matching his looks.  He was determined to get what he wants and ignored all physical limitation which his age was trying to put on to him. His endeavor caught attention of few eyes first but slowly and gradually Entire Park crowded around him to cheer him u